February 2012
78 posts
The classification 793.2 in the Dewey Decimal System is dedicated to surprise birthday parties.
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when i was younger i told people that i had schizophrenia to make myself sound more interesting.
Anonymous asked: What is the best kind of cake?
sufjansarms asked: what is favorite way 2 prepare cereal
killeroftheweek asked: What goes best with an omelet?
ask me questions about food
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i know what i know // paul simon
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Sharon knew their love would never last. One day he would be gone, evaporating into every atom of the air until the whole world became him but he was gone. This, of course, was overlooking the greater problem that Sharon was in love with a glass of water.
Dave is listening to some form of rap where the only distinguishable word is ‘nigga’… and he’s singing along… I don’t really know how.
Can girls be taxi drivers? Is that allowed? In my extremely limited use of taxis I’ve never seen a girl driver. Just jerk guys.
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There’s a delicious kind of pastry called a napoleon and the head baker keeps making them wrong so I keep getting free ones because they’re too short for the display rack.
(I find this hilarious).
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If sloths suddenly turned evil and used their finger-claws to lacerate people I think the only ones who would be in trouble are those on crutches and the morbidly obese.
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“I’M SORRY I SAID YOU WERE FAKE!” Matthew shouted but it was too late; his clone had already turned the corner and hailed a cab out of his life.
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I give up on pants.
If you’re ever looking for pants and have the shape of a human being don’t bother going to Old Navy. As a tall, skinny 18-year-old the closest thing I found to a good fitting pair of jeans was from the boys section. Not the men’s. By no means the women’s. And not even the girl’s. Nope. The pants that fit me best were meant for a 14-year-old boy. Thank you, Old Navy,...
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In order to be popular on the internet I will only post pictures of celebrities and cats for the rest of the night.
My 12-year-old brother just found out that his girlfriend is a cutter (she’s the sweetest kid so everyone was kinda shocked). His reaction was to ask whether or not he should dump her.
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Why are there no actual Russians in kids movies? All the bad guys are Russian but the producers/directors/whomever seem set on only hiring Americans who do a vague, Russian-y sort of accent.
sufjansarms asked: I HAD THE MOST HORRIBLE DREAM LAST NIGHT i got an acceptance letter from emerson and no other college accepted me and then i cried because i didn't wanna go and then i told my mom "i'll just go to community college!! anything but emerson!!" and then she said told me it was too late and i had to go because she already paid my tuition for the year and then i started crying and...
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Amanda’s line of animal cruelty free hair care products continued to sell extremely well. No one seemed to noticed the small print on the bottle of every bottle embossed with the words ‘tested on orphans.’
Why does Obama have more followers than me? His blog isn’t even that interesting.
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Tumblr should have a feature where, after you unfollow someone, you still get to see the post they make where they complain about losing a follower.
I just made myself a glass of warm milk. Do you know how comforting a glass of warm milk is? It’s super comforting. And, you know what: I didn’t even need comforting. I just made it because I love warm milk.
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After 11 years of estrangement from Kathy, Mark talks to his 12-year-old son about ‘the birds and the bees’, not knowing the boy is deaf.
Waking up at nine feels like sleeping in now.
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